I was reading a list of traits of an introvert and was asked to rank them in order of importance to me. As I read through the list I realised I had a scenario for nearly every item. Most of these scenarios were insane yet completely plausible to me. So…here goes, here are some of the things from the list.
Parties full of strangers – This freaks me out, I hate making small talk. Not because I’m rude or boring, I’m quite pleasant and I’m freaking awesome.However I will stumble over my words, inadvertently call you fat, start talking about dogs being sick or I will just be sick on you.
Remembering names – I genuinely cannot remember people’s names or more than likely I can remember them I just worry that I have your name wrong. Therefore I won’t address you by your name, which again makes me seem rude. This also prevents me from asking acquaintances about their spouses/children/hamster.
Example: There is a lady who comes in to my place of work, I once saw her in a hospital when I was visiting my step-dad, she was in there with her husband, we sat and talked in the waiting area. However a few weeks later when I saw her at work I refrained from asking about her husband after she asked about my step-dad because I believed I had it wrong and it wasn’t her husband. I understand that you are probably sitting there reading this thinking ‘what the freaking hell is this mentalist talking about’ but honestly this is the way my brain works.
In conjunction with this I will believe that I have the names of work colleagues wrong or even family members. Which brings me to birthdays and Christmas. I dread writing birthday and Christmas cards in fear of writing incorrect names, I then fret about this for days! Again not rude, just terrified.
Social Outings – When I’m invited out by my close friends it’s great, I love my friends and I love spending time with them. However once new people are brought in to the mix I go in to panic mode and shutdown. I just can’t cope with the people that I don’t know because obviously they then start judging me and plotting against me.
Lateness – Yes okay, I know I flip out when you’re late and ‘over react’. It’s not that you’re late, I understand that things happen; traffic, you spilled jam on your t-shirt, you over slept. My ‘flipping out’ is mainly because when I’m stood waiting somewhere, or even sitting in my car and you’re late well then everyone in the surrounding area knows that you’re late and they start staring and talking about me. ( Yes I know these are starting to sound mental, welcome to my world).
Loud noises – Loud, sudden noises cause me to have a panic attack. Although I am getting old now so maybe I just don’t like loud noises 😛
Last minute changes – I cannot cope with them, most of the time they will trigger a panic attack or a migraine. Either way I don’t cope well with them. My whole week has been spent psyching myself up for this arrangement and my mind coming to terms with it. If something changes my mind descends in to chaos.
I am aware that most if this is completely insane and yet I have no way to stop my brain from working that way. Hopefully with some cognitive brain training I will start to sound less mental soon 😉 ♥Don’t ever let anyone make you think you’re not good enough.
Follow your dreams right now! Don’t wait until tomorrow,
next week, next year. Stop planning, start doing 🙂