Have I spoken to you today? Yesterday? Last week, month, year? Ever?
If so, do you even remember the conversation we had? Because I probably will. I won’t remember every conversation and definitely not every word. I’m not Sheldon Cooper.
I over analyse all of the interactions I have throughout the day. I stress about them for hours after I’ve had them. I run through the conversations I had with the shop keeper, a fellow driver, the postman, the list goes on.
I will pick apart every line until I have made myself out to be a total moron. I’ve either embarrassed myself, offended you or given you reason to want to hate or hurt me forever. Welcome to the world of anxiety.
Example of a non-anxiety sufferer in an every day interaction with a shopkeeper.
Shop Keeper: Is it just these?
Person: Yes please, thanks.
Rings items up.
Shop Keeper: That’s £7.80 please
Person hands over cash/card.
Person gets change/receipt.
Person: Thanks, bye.
Shop Keeper: Bye, Thank you.
Example of an anxiety sufferer (me) in an every day interaction with a Shop Keeper.
Shop Keeper: Hi, is it just these?
Me: Erm, yes please.
*In my head* Is it just these? What does he mean? Does he think I’ve stolen something? Have I forgotten something? Do I look like I’ve forgotten something? Why is he looking at me? Do I look guilty? Does he look angry? Oh God he hates me! I’m going to die here.
Shop Keeper: That’s £7.80 please.
Me: Here you go.
*In my head* Why did I say ‘here you go’? Maybe he thinks that I think he’s stupid and I had to point out to him that this is my money. Should I have checked to see if I had it in change? It always takes too long to count it out and then everyone behind me will hate me and get angry. Does he hate £10 notes? What change should I get? What if it’s the wrong change and I don’t know?
Usually what happens next is outrageous! The Shop Keeper will hand me my change/receipt and I’ll take my goods and leave…not once have I died from this every day social interaction, crazy right?
As amusing as it is to read the crazy thoughts that run through my head, it is also exhausting to have these thoughts about every thing every day. My brain kicks in to over drive, it thinks it knows what is about to happen, it puts two and two together and lands at potato!
So in future if I’m talking to you and I seem awkward or I give you the impression that I don’t like you or don’t want to talk to you, please don’t take it personally, I’m just trying to to get my brain to stop thinking of the multiple ways you might murder me. However there will be times when I actually, genuinely just don’t like you…and now you will never know! Mwahahaha…∞
Don’t ever let anyone make you think you’re not good enough.
Follow your dreams right now! Don’t wait until tomorrow,
next week, next year. Stop planning, start doing 🙂
‘Blind faith is no way to run a world’ – Victor Stenger