What am I doing and why am I doing it?
It’s a good question to ask yourself now and again. If you’re doing something and it’s not making you happy then why are you doing it?
I have stayed in jobs where I have been monumentally unhappy, believing that I had no choice but to stay there.
I worked at a children’s play centre as a General Assistant for five and a half years. I didn’t always dislike working there, some days were better than others, especially Thursdays.
It wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows, there were good points and bad points as with any job.
I over-ran my productivity in that role though. There was no-where left to go, my brain couldn’t handle having to do the same thing day in, day out.
The monotony of it drove me nuts!
I was screaming out for a challenge, a chance to be creative, to be me.
Unfortunately that opportunity would never be given to me at that time, which, when I look back was definitely a blessing in disguise.
I left the play centre in June 2016 for a job in call centre…yes I know what you’re thinking. If you know me you know that I do not belong in a call centre.
Shock, horror, it didn’t last. A whole load of anxiety attacks, crying and physically not being able to leave the house later, I left.
I found a cleaning job because I knew it would be something that I could fit around my actual life. My paid job is not my life. I am building my life from 6 a.m until I leave for work and then I go back to building it when I get home.
I knew I had to start doing whatever it was that I was passionate about and I was passionate about singing.
So it was decided. I would be a singer.
I knew it would be bloody hard work, I was prepared for that. There was just one problem. I had a niggling feeling about it not working out and because I had that feeling I subconsciously projected that out in to the universe. I had already decided that it wasn’t for me, I just didn’t know it yet.
Although I love signing immensely I had mistaken it as my true passion. Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you have to do it.
I was always good at Chemistry but I never had any desire to become a Chemist.
I set out with all of these brilliant intentions. I began doing vocal warm ups, I picked out song after song to sing. I set up a singing schedule and I would upload videos to YouTube. I was also applying for auditions on StarNow and sending samples of my work off to those who requested it.
I was even invited to audition for a record producer with a view to making an album.
Unfortunately he was a d**k and wanted some money upfront to produce three singles…yeah that’s not how it works. Ever.
My moment of clarity came in January. I had signed up for The Bossing It Academy to get my life in order. My assigned life coach called me to have an initial chat and she asked;
“What do you do?”
Of course my natural reaction was to say,
“I’m a cleaner”
Because I was employed as a cleaner.
I’m not a cleaner though, yes it’s what I do but it’s not what I am.
Let me clarify that I am not suggesting that there is anything wrong with being a cleaner, I enjoy my role and I get to meet some awesome people and see lots of doggies! But it’s not my life.
My life is writing and blogging and inspiring.
I’ve always been a writer and it’s always been what I am supposed to be doing. I’d just forgotten.
I love what I’m doing. It’s the most incredible feeling to suddenly realise that you’ve found your direction. Now that I know where I’m going there is absolutely no stopping me.
I am pouring my heart and soul in to this and I want to bring everyone along with me! I’m creating opportunities for myself. I have put myself forward for things that I never even dreamed I would be part of. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, sometimes stumbling but always learning.
Find whatever it is that you’re passionate about and do it. It might start out as being something you can only do once a week but gradually it will become your life 🙂
Whatever that thing is that keeps popping in to your head, that idea you had and you can’t stop thinking about it. Go and do it. What is stopping you really?
Come and say hi!
Check out YouTube too! 🙂
I’ll also be attending UK Indie Lit Fest this year and I cannot wait! 🙂
Don’t ever let anyone make you think you’re not good enough.
Follow your dreams right now! Don’t wait until tomorrow,
next week, next year. Stop planning, start doing 🙂
Be happy and keep smiling 😀