You don’t know exactly what the outcome will be. You just believe that your actions are going to be the cause of terrifying disaster. It’s a feeling of severe doom. A feeling that sends an icy chill down your spine and freezes your feet to the spot.
The only emotion that you can muster is fear. Tears are burning your eyes, you can’t breathe, you have lost any means of a normal functioning body. Your hands feel ten times bigger than they are, leaving you unable to do anything, ultimately feeling useless. Your legs have become heavier than lead and your heart is ready to erupt from your chest.
There’s an internal feeling of ice but your face is flushed red hot.
This is what happens to me when I have an anxiety attack. They can strike at any moment. Usually when I’m in, what my brain perceives to be, a stressful situation.
To be honest though it’s usually when I’m going to the supermarket or crossing the road, driving to a place I haven’t been before and worrying about where I can park.
I feel like giving up. It would be so much more comfortable for me to jut stay in my home, wrapped in a blanket and never leave my house but I happen to actually love doing things. Even though parts of my brain would tell you differently.
The only way I get myself through the anxiety attack is to try and keep calm. I really know that this is so much easier said than done and I have ended up in full meltdown mode in the past and probably will do again at some point in the future.
Now that I’m aware of the types of situation that that will cause me to panic, pretty much anything in my case, I try to be prepared.
I know my mouth will feel like its been stuffed full of cotton wool, so I always have a bottle of water with me.
I have a Rescue Remedy spray that may or may not help me to keep calm. It could just be the placebo effect but its been working so far.
I triple check where I’m going, the address, the surrounding area etc. It may seem slightly obsessive but I like to be sure and that way it cuts down on me panicking.
I also talk to myself continuously. Not out loud, in my head.
I tell myself over and over again that I am safe and calm and I remind myself to keep taking soothing natural breaths.
I don’t think about where I’m heading or the situation ahead of me. I just focus on what I am doing at each individual moment. I take in my surroundings, listen to the noises around me. If any thought enters my head regarding where I’m going or whatever it is that is ahead of me I just stop it instantly before it spirals out of control, because my brain will make it spiral out of control.
A simple train journey can become the most horrific thing to have ever happened, I will think of all the things that can go wrong. I don’t necessarily mean things like the train crashing, although that will be in there too but the little things, such as making a fool of myself, getting off at the wrong stop. Stupid little things that in the grand scheme of things don’t really matter but they cause me to have anxiety attacks and that’s just how my brain works unfortunately.
They are more manageable than they were a year ago but that doesn’t mean there won’t be a time in the future where they start ruining my life again but for now I can deal in my own way with my own system and that’s good enough for me.
Don’t ever let anyone make you think you’re not good enough.
Follow your dreams right now! Don’t wait until tomorrow,
next week, next year. Stop planning, start doing 🙂
Be happy and keep smiling 😀